The Fountain was written by the same guy who wrote pi, which means geeks everywhere will be flocking to the theater in an attempt to further add to their library of quotable movies that no one has ever seen. I’m serious. Who was the last person you’ve met who’s actually ever seen pi? I’ve never seen pi, nor will I likely see this movie, but I will nod approvingly as if I have whenever my geek friends make references to it, as should you, therefore enforcing the belief that the movie has far more importance than it likely does.
Despite any cultural and philosophical insignificance, this is quite possibly one of the most informative trailers ever. At first glance, it may appear as though I’m quite literally talking out of my ass, as the trailer consists of about 10 random clips and 4 lines of text, but let me explain further. The content of this trailer amounts to this:
- 1 man
- Several pictures of a man
- 1 love
- Several pictures of a woman
- 1 quest
- Some fighting and climbing
- 1000 years
- A picture of a horse and car
- 1 destiny
- A picture of a tree in a pool
If we just disregard the nonsense about the tree in a pool at the very end, there’s actually a lot of straightforward material here. We already know there’s a man and a woman involved in this movie, and that they’re in love. We also have been presented with visual depictions of both parties. There is going to be some type of quest involving some sword fighting, tree climbing, and horse riding., and it’s probably going to take quite a long time (somewhere in the range of 1000 years I’d guess). In addition, there is going to be a kickass licensing deal with Ferrari, BMW, or some other high end auto maker, most likely with some sweet car chases resulting.
In contrast, every other trailer I’ve seen in the past month pretty much consists of the following:
- Dramatic music accompanied with some type of rumbling sound
- Car chase!
- Explosion!
- Close up of the lead male character
- Slow motion shot of some type
- Close up of the lead female character
- Boobs!
- More explosions!
- Quick 1 second shot of the lead male character and the lead female character in an erotic sensual position which alludes to more being revealed in the full scene, but which probably sums up the best parts and ultimately just ends up leaving the males in the audience who went to see the film specifically for that reason unsatisfied.
- Appropriate sequel number displayed
This is, quite clearly, completely uninformative. On the other hand, I’m way more excited about this movie than the first one I was talking about; especially about that 1 second clip. Therefore, I’m going to just go ahead and rate the movie based on this new trailer.
- If you want to see action: 2
- Boobs!: 2 ½
- Cross your fingers for an extended version of that 1 second clip: 3
- This review was supposed to be about The Fountain: You party pooper.
